Neitra

"What is the first word that comes to your mind when you hear the word 'love'?"

I reminisce the conversation I had back with Dr. Naila today.

"Abhay." My answer was.

A word of five letters, a word of strength and .....of love.

"Do you love him?" She had asked.

"What.....how do you know if you love.....I ...I mean how do you love a person?" I asked in confusion.

"From what you feel about him."

I took a generous amount of time to introspect what I really felt. And then I began like I never wanted to stop speaking about him.

"I....I feel so overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with emotions whether he is near or far. He is the face that I long to see after a tiring day at the hospital. His arms are the only one that I need while falling apart. He is my...... everything."

Yah he is my everything.

And....I love him.

While I was busy in figuring out what actually love looked like, I didn't even notice how badly I have fallen in love with him.

And today is the day when I actually want him to know how I feel about him.

"Yeah ...there isn't much work. Mumma Papa are not here too, you'll can take a leave."

I order the house staff. Today I want it to be just us. And noone else.

"Okay Madam."

Keeping the things I asked them to, they leave.

How will he react? Will he be happy? Excited?

Mapping out his emotions gives me anxiety. So I not let these thoughts consume me and start preparing for the night.

It's four in the evening right now, he would be back before eight today.

I sit down again clutching the packet in my hand.

Relax Neitra.

But my cheeks again go red as I think about the night that I have planned for him.

Eeeeeeeeee. I scream in my palms like a mad woman getting excited like a kid.

"Okay this shouldn't be that hard", I speak to myself, observing the decoration tutorial on my phone.

My lungs nearly explode blowing fifty baloons in a stretch. I fall on the bed after putting all the ribbons and balloons to decoration.

Hash! One thing done.

I look at the balcony of our room, now covered with fairy lights, red ballons, ribbons, red flowers. I'll light the candles when I hear the honk of his car.

Perhaps a professional would have decorated it more perfectly but I wanted to put all the efforts from my end.

He will be very happy.

God why am I blushing so hard today!

I again cover my face with my palm.

I see the clock sticking to six and rush to the kitchen to make his fav food from my hands. Matar paneer and soft round poories.

The dish that I made him on the first day of our wedding. A wave of nostalgia hits me as I dice the paneer to cubes.

We have come so far.

Me and my Abhay.

"My Abhay", I say it a bit aloud so that my voice reaches my own ears.

I want to hear his name with a possession that makes him more near to me.

"My Abhay."

After I have cooked, I place the dishes on the table I kept on the balcony, with two chairs opposite to each other.

At seven I finally rush to the washroom to take a shower, and dress in the bridal saree that he bought me in Kashi. A beautiful rememberance of the time when we first came closer.

My heart beats on soft note, my stomach feels the butterflies. Oh how beautiful the feeling of love is. And how beautiful the person I am in love with is.

Smiling ear to ear, I leave my hair open without drying them. Just the way he likes them.

I pair my saree with the thinnest strap and transparent blouse available in my closet and sit in front of the table to have a look at myself.

My fingers clutch the handles of the chair I'm sitting in. And I close my eyes as I imagine the kisses he would press on my naked shoulder and ......neck.

The way his beard would rub........

I take a long breath to compose myself and start to get ready.

Mangtika. Mangalsutra. Kamarband. His fav bangles, the anklets that he loves on his shoulders, lastly a plain maroon Bindi and then deep red vermilion on my partition, which is my pride, my suhaag and.....my love.

I do not leave a thing.

And take a moment to admire myself.

Twirling with my pallu I again find myself getting overexcited and jumpy.

"Ahem ahem", I clear my throat to regain my aura.

But the honk from Abhay's car destroys it again.

I jump on my feet lighting the scented to candles. And quickly turn down all the lights of the home.

The tick tock of his shoes makes my heart race and cheeks blush again. Hold on hold on Neitra.

Relax. Breathe deeper.

"Neitra?"

Hiding behind the pillar of the first floor, I hear him.

"Neitra, are you home? Why is it so dark?" I can see his dark form coming into the hall with his coat hanging on his shoulders.

"It's a serious offence to look so handsome, Mr. Nair", his steps halt at my voice.

"Dr. Sahiba?" A playful tone hits my ears.

"Only yours."

I say showering him with rose petals.

"Woah woah woah. What are you doing wifey?" He tries looking up between the petals.

"Treating you like that a King should be", I hear him giggle.

"What are you upto wifey", he takes predatory steps, climbing up the stairs to reach to me. "Why are you hiding in the dark, I can't see you."

"Come here", I offer my hand and slowly pull him to our room, and then to the balcony.

I would have covered his eyes like how they show it in movies, only if my height would have allowed to do so.

"Dayum", he takes a minute to absorb everything, every piece of decoration, as I finally switch on the lights.

"It looks like a movie set and....", his words die in his throat as his eyes finally  land on me after travelling across the whole balcony.

"Beautiful", he whispers.

I lower my eyes feeling his admiring eyes on me, travelling through whole of my body.

It doesn't make me feel ashamed, it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable rather it makes me feel loved, wanted ......needed.

When I finally raise my gaze at him, I find him admiring me with the most precious smile on his face.

"You looks so beautiful."

"Thank you, Abhay."

"Am I missing something? It isn't our anniversary right?" He asks getting close to me.

My heart begins to beat wild.

"No you're not, missing anything", I wrap my hands around his neck and pull him closer to me such that our foreheads meet. "I just wanted a date for us. Just you ....and me....and noone else."

"Really", he whispers huskily. "That is why you sent everyone for a leave."

I nod feeling his rapid breaths on my face.

"Abhay.....not now", I whisper moaning as he pulls me closer and runs his nose on my neck.

If it begins now, it will end in bed and I do not want that right now.

He looks at me confused and mischievous smile plays on his lips.

"Aaiye na", I pull him towards me.

(Come.)

"Chaliye na", he says back.

I make him sit on chair while I sit on his lap.

"I made you food", I say and immediately swat his hand away as they reach for the covered plate. "I'll feed you."

I tear a morsel, kiss it and bring it closer to his mouth. A red tint coveres his cheeks and his teeth sinks on his lower lips at my actions.

My big baby.

"It's really good", he moans as I feed him the first bite.

I wipe the corner of his lips and drop a light peck on them.

"Aaj bada pyar aarha hai mujhpe", he pinches my waist gaining a moan from my mouth. "Aapne khaya?"

I shake my head.

He feeds me too.

After half an hour of batting eyes at each other, teasing each other, we complete our dinner.

"Thank you for the night my lady", he smiles playing with the red heart baloon.

"There's more", I say and his eyes widen in excitement.

"What?" He sits up straight on the chair.

My hands shake in nervousness as I procure a small velvet box from my cleavage.

"Damn!" He eyes my hands slipping into my blouse. "What is in it?"

He says still staring at my cleavage.

"A gift." I say.

"Are there more gifts in there....mind if I check?" He says peeping inside my blouse.

"Abhay! Behave." I scold him and he pouts.

I then pull out a paper too from my blouse.

"It's a whole damn treasure island in there", he says cockily.

"Abhay shut up. I'm already nervous."

"Regarding?" He asks.

"Ahem ahem", I clear my throat. "I want to tell you something."

I tightly hold the box and paper in my hand as he nods in anticipation.

"I know it might not match your level but......I have really tried okay."

I say opening the paper to narrate the poetry I wrote for him.

"Have you written something for me?" His eyes shines like a diamond, the most expensive thing of my life.

I nod. And clear my throat twice to begin.

"जाड़े में खड़ी शिउली मैं,

मुझे सींचने वाले सागर हो तुम।

पतझड़ में बिखरती मैं,

मुझे समेटने वाले माला हो तुम।

कोसती हूँ खुद को,

जो गुलदस्ते के लायक है।

हाय मेरी किस्मत,

मैं उसे बस अपने टुकड़े ही दे पाती हूँ।

शायद लायक नहीं,

जिसके लायक हो तुम।

मेरे जीवन की कहानी के

पसंदीदा नायक हो तुम।

फिर भी ये स्वार्थ मेरा,

नहीं जाने दे सकता है तुमको।

शायद ये भी देखना

चाहता है साथ हमको।

नहीं रोक सकती खुद को बिखरने से मैं,

तुम्हारी आदत जो है मुझे।

लेकिन मेरे हर बिखरे कण में तुम्हारा नाम होगा,

तुमसे प्यार जो है मुझे।"

(Translation - In the winter, I stand as a Shiuli flower,

You are the ocean that nurtures me.

In the fall, I scatter away,

You are the garland that gathers me.

I curse myself,

For being worthy of a bouquet.

Oh, my ill fate,

I can only offer you my broken pieces.

Perhaps, I am not deserving

Of someone like you.

Yet, you remain

The favorite hero of my life’s story.

Still, this selfishness of mine,

Cannot let you go.

Perhaps it too

Wants to witness our togetherness.

I cannot stop myself from breaking,

For I am your habit.

But in every scattered fragment of mine,

Your name will resonate,

For I love you.)

I narrate the entire thing without a pause, without a look towards Abhay out of nervousness, but when I finally do after folding the paper, I see a totally different Abhay looking at me.

His eyes, now moist with water. He is looking at me with a smallest smile. A calm expression, a expression of peace gathers his face. As if he has finally got what he desired. But is too numb to speak.

"I love you, Abhay. You know.....my communication skills suck", I laugh at my own self while walking towards him. "But I want you to know, you're the best thing that has happened to me in my twenty nine years of existence and that I really love you."

I kneel down beside the chair he is sitting trying to gather his emotions.

"I want you to remember me when you see this. I want you to remember my love."

Saying this I slip the diamond ring on his ring finger, on top of the engagement ring that had bound us in a matrimony.

And kiss his finger.

Standing on his feet he pulls me in the tightest hug ever. "It is a complete masterpiece. I have been dying to hear you say that since long."

He stuffs the paper in how own pocket. My shoulder feels the wetness of his emotions. I run my hands on his back to comfort him.

"I feel I'm finally home."

"You're my home too Abhay, you're my everything", I cup his face.

He kisses me. Hard. Like he has never before. With all the love he can manage. And that's how I want him to love me.

"I want to make love to you, Abhay", I breathe near his lips. "With the rights of a lover this time."

Your lover.

His lips meet my neck and my open shoulder. His beard tickling me as he does that. It gets hard to stand on my feet as I feel the heat of my core.

I grab his face to make me kiss on the specific corner of my neck that sends electricity down my body.

"Ahhh. Umm."

A moan leaves my gut while his mouth makes raspy sounds as it feeds on me. His touch makes me feel insane.

ADULT WARNING ⚠️

"Can I remove it?" He asks holding the pallu of saree.

"D....Don't ask."

He discards my saree on the floor and takes a minute to admire me under the decorative fairy lights.

He makes me jump, I wrap my legs around his hips. He carries me inside the room and lowers me on the floor.

I take the lead this time. Taking hold of his shirt, I open the buttons clumsily. Frustrated from the building tension I tear it off.

The buttons hit the floor breaking the pin drop silence.

"Haha", he giggles.

"Don't laugh", I warn him breathing heavily.

I grab his face and force a kiss down his mouth. His hands capture a fistful of my butt, kneading it in the same intensity with which I'm kissing him.

Pushing him down the bed, I remove his belt. And sit down on his growing erection.

"Ahh", a moan leaves my mouth as my wet core meets his covered one. I further press my clit to remove the tension.

I take a minute to admire the most handsome face I fell in love with. He is also watching me with the same emotion. The rise and fall of his chest proves that I still make him feel the same way as ever.

Dropping kisses all over his face and chest, I drop the last kiss at my home. Right above his heart.

"Take them out", I beg him and he starts to pull out all of my jewelleries. Leaving the anklets intentionally.

And breaking his favourite thing to break, the beaded kamarband. The pearls meet the fate of his shirt buttons.

He begins to pull out my mangalsutra too but I stop him right there.

"No don't. Never take it out of my neck." It shall never be taken out, even after my death.

A very big smile forms on his lips and he kisses the mangalsutra in my neck.

"Ahh", a loud moan leaves my mouth this time as his control starts to slip away.

And I always wait for this particular moment when he gets raw and hard. His kisses on my neck makes my eyes roll up and in order to beat the heat down there, I begin to grind our clothed bodies together.

"Yes.....yes", he grabs my hips and makes them grind more harder on his erection.

I feel the wetness.

It feels hot.....so fucking hot that I want to remove rest of clothes that's stopping me from having him completely.

Him and I both struggle with the strings of my blouse and exasperated I ask him to tear it off.

"Just ....t..tear it off", and he does tear it off freeing both of my breasts.

And like a hungry lion he grabs them, putting one of them in his mouth. As his tongue tastes me, my mouth opens to drag more Oxygen as it starts to feel hazy.

"More....more hard", I whisper pulling his head more towards my breasts.

My head falls back as his teeth finds my nipple. He treats the other one the same way while pinching and playing with the previous one.

He turns me down and gets on top of me. Opening the strings, he discards my petticoat away. Leaving me naked under his piercing gaze.

"What are you doing?" I ask as he puts my legs on his shoulders.

"Treating you the way you should be." He says smirking between my legs.

And the very next moment I feel tongue between my folds and on my clit.

"Abhay oh!.....Please....", I feel every cell of my body shredding all the amount of self control.

He shakes his head rapidly down there making me dance at his rhythm. 

"Never stop.....please", I beg him.

His nails dig into my thighs. They begin to shake wildly.

"I never intent to", comes his reply.

My toes curl and my hips jump as the orgasm hits me, making my vision go blur.

He gives me a moment to compose myself from the orgasm and then puts his erection inside of me.

"Ahm", I wild groan leaves his mouth and it's probably the best sound I will ever hear.

"Ahh", another thrust comes.

My nails sink into his back while he grabs my head and dips his own in my neck.

"More rough....more rough", I urge him looking at the mirror on top of us.

The mirror in which we look buried deep into each other, buried deep in love. I have never seen a more beautiful version of me as I see now, underneath of him.

"I love you, Neitra."

"I love you,Abhay."

He falls inside me and later on gathers me in his arms as we lay cuddled to each other. Like man and wife.

ADULT WARNING ENDS

"It feels so peace right now", he mumbles stroking my hair as I lay on his arm.

"It does", I agree tiredly.

Smiling he admires the ring I gifted him under the little moonlight.

"It has three hearts of different sizes. Does it mean something?" He asks.

"Yes", I say kissing his cheek. "The biggest one is you, the medium size is me and ....."

"And?" He looks at me grinning.

"The smallest one is for our baby that we would have some day."

"Very thoughtful", he kisses the smallest heart. And then me.

Asking him this question again makes me feel as if I am too desperate but I ask him anyway.

"We will have a baby right?"

"Ofcourse we will", he pulls me closer.  "Just not now. I want us to have more time."

I smile at him.

Even though I respect his decision I want to tell him about my urge to become a mother.

I want our family to be complete. I'm already twenty nine.

Atleast I should be able to dance at my daughter's wedding without worrying about my bones.

The above poetry is crafted by me and shall not be published, used, reproduced anyway without any means without my permission.

About the poetry, I feel an urge to explain it though I'm well aware that many of you can figure out the exact meaning. Still I would like to explain it here.

The shiuli tree represents Neitra, who is shedding in the autumn (autumn represents her miserable time that is going on). She portrayes Abhay as a ocean(water) who is nurturing her at this time.

Though she do feels she is not enough because of the self insecurity she is living with for her entire life. She says that Abhay deserves a bouquet though she can only offer him her pieces(the scattered shiuli flowers.)

She also says that she has grown a little selfish over the time, that she just can't let go of him even though she feels inadequate for him.

And the second last stanza represents the character development of Neitra. In the beginning of the story she is, self occupied and not very expressive. She also believes that strong people do not cry and express their misery.

But now she says she has grown accustomed to Abhay's support that now she can freely express and can't prevent herself to fall apart in his arms.