Abhay

"Where is Neitra?!"

I find myself dashing out of the home just the way I came few minutes ago.

"She went out for an emergency sir", I hear the security guard and my blood runs cold.

The entire city is consumed in flames and destruction. And she is out of the house? At this particular hour?

"What the fuck!" I grab my phone from the car.

Twenty seven missed calls from Neitra.

Shit. Shit.

I switch off the mute button. My phone was in silent the entire time.

"God, pick up Neitra", I beg but the ring to her phone dies down without her picking it up.

Fuck.

"Did she go to the hospital?" I ask the guard.

And as he nods I rush towards home, and to my locker. Grabbing something for protection.

I then rush towards my car. Not caring about the dangerous riots out there, I begin driving on the road while continuing to call her.

Please keep her safe. Oh lord.

I struggle from the same fumes on the road with which I returned home. And it keeps getting worse.

As I take the turn on the main road, I see a mob getting closer to me. The entire road is on fire, they didn't leave a single car unturned.

"Stop!" One of them screams. And runs towards my car with a cricket bat, ready to attack my windshield.

Rather I increase my speed in annoyance. My car accelerates towards the man, his rage converting to fear and in a fraction of second he jumps away from my car.

None of their shouts reach me, as I break all the speed limits and traffic signals. Crash onto all the barricades.

To reach to one person in particular.

My wife.

My heart pumps in my throat as I hear the chaos from outside of the hospital.

Rows and rows of ambulance arrive with burnt and wounded people from all over the city.

Grabbing the gun from the dashboard that I took out of my safe, I dash towards Neitra's department.

I push through all the people and running for their lives in the corridor and my mind screams only one name. Neitra.

The windows, strechers and medical equipments lay broken under my feet. I run through the stairs, threatening people that try to stop me.

And what I encounter next, fills me with pure ......rage.

"Leave me!" Neitra shouts at the men clutching her from sides.

My body freeze as I see another man ready to attack her with a iron rod.

And without thinking twice I aim the gun at them. Glaring like this might be their last day.

"Abhay?!" Neitra sighs.

The weapons drop from their hands and they look at me in shock.

Neitra pushes them and runs to me, the glass pieces crunching under her feet as she does.

"Oh Abhay", I clutch her and put her behind me.

"How. Dare. You. Touch. Her?"

I ask watching them pale, but before Neitra can stop me, the anger in me blows out. As I now begin to punch the man mercilessly who dared to walk towards her. His companions trying to protect him.

I kick them restlessly under the action of adrenaline.

"Abhay no! You'll hurt yourself." She tries to pull me back.

"How dare you touch my wife!"

Long forgotten is the gun, all I want him to do is spit blood, which he does in just two blows from my punch.

"Abhay, please leave your hand is bleeding", Neitra's pleads and police sirens ring in my ears and I finally let him go.

He falls to the floor, only for the police to catch them all.

"You okay Abhay?" She asks calming me down.

"Thank you Doctor, thank you Mr. Nair for informing us. We'll manage from here." The senior inspector says.

"They nearly savaged the whole hospital!" Neitra exclaims.

Tiredness evident on her face, her hair messed up, sweaty and sticking to all her face.

"And they are just doing it for money, can you imagine?"

"They are not even protestors, what do you expect?" I ask her.

She looks at us in confusion.

"Mr. Nair is right, doctor. They are just some goons payed from the opposition party to defame the ruling one. It's just politics in which innocent lives get caught." The inspector says putting all of them in the jeep.

Neitra looks at all of them in dis taste. She is still new to all of these. While Delhi is quite used to it.

We are informed that the situation in the capital is now under control and it is safe to leave so I decide to take Neitra back home.

"Abhay", she says and hugs me keeping her head on my chest.

I do not hug her back.

"What happened?" She asks and I say nothing.

I grab the gun from the floor and hold her hand to leave. "Let's leave now. The police has it under control."

"Atleast say something. Are you still angry at them?" She leaves my hand and asks.

"No I'm angry at you!"

"Why?" She says flinching on my voice and I curse myself for using that on her.

But what do I do? I nearly lost her.

"Do you know in what condition I was when I wasn't able to find you? You didn't even hesitate before stepping out of the house. That man nearly killed you!"

Exasperated I run my hands through my hair and lean my head against the car door.

"I was so scared Neitra!"

"I left the message that it was a emergency right."

"Anybody else could have handled it Neitra. You do not have to act like God all the time, trying to protect everyone apart from your own self." I say pushing her into the passenger seat.

"I am not trying to act like God! The patient and her baby would have died  if I hadn't reached on time."

I feel her glaring at me but I say no more and continue to drive.

At last she releases a sigh, spitting out her own anger.

"Look what you have done to your hands", she says softly caressing my bleeding knuckles on the steering wheel.

I flinch in pain but do not show it. And after a while she speaks again.

"Sorry na", she says cutely placing her head on my bicep while I drive.

I still say nothing.

"Huh!" She rolls her eyes and turns towards the window when she doesn't get enough attention from me.

I continue to drive towards the mansion.

"Aaja Piya tohe pyar doon", she hums looking out of the window.

(Lyrics of a song)

She is really happy today. Though it feels weird after so much of chaos because she easily gets exhausted and that too for days.

But today a genuine happiness radiates from her.

Carefree happiness.

"It's quite heavy", she says making her siren eyes protrude, after picking up my gun from the dashboard.

"Don't play with it, keep is aside." I warn.

"Do you know how to use it Mr. Nair?" She blinks her eyes rapidly at me trying to act cute.

"No", I try to maintain my aura that I have created ....and fail badly.

Her mouth hangs open, I feel her gaze at me while I try to focus on the road. Trying to avoid looking at her.

And then the entire car blares with her loud demonic laughter.

"What....Hahahaha....you....hahahaha.....you ...don't....hahaha", I close my eyes, in shame.

"It's okay, laugh first. Then complete that sentence." I say sarcastically.

"You were standing there like you would shoot the whole world....hahahaha.....you don't even know how to use it", she aims the gun imitating me.

I stop the car for a while, to admire her mocking me. And to have her new form dissolve in me like sugar in water.

"How dare you hurt my wife....I will shoot each one of you right here. I am the gunner.", she gets her tone deeper and aims the gun at me.

"Done mocking me?" I ask.

"Hahahahahaha", she nods still laughing.

I would have been laughing too if it wasn't for me being angry at her. My heart still sweats as I think about the scene when I entered the hospital.

"Oh god it's so funny", her laugh subsides but she still continues to play with the gun. "It doesn't even have bullets Abhay."

She starts laughing again.

"Why have you even kept it? To scare people away? Or to save you wife from dangerous goons?" She pulls my cheeks.

"How do you even know there are no bullets in it?"

"I even know how to use it." She winks at me.

"What?" Each day, I get to learn a new fact about her.

"Yeah. My grandfather had one. He was in Army. Now my Dad has it in his safe. I used to sneak it away two or three times, untill he caught me one day."

She says slowly getting onto the memory lane. The laugh vanishes off her face and a sad smile takes over.

Sensing a change in her mood, I stop the car with a brake in front of the mansion.

"We have reached."

She follows me inside out home.

"Abhay wait! You need a first aid. Wait!"

"I'm fine the way I am", I say opening my dirty shirt.

"Ohho wait na!" She takes the first aid kit from the table and pushes me on the sofa.

And sitting on my thighs she begins to tend to my knuckles.

"Does it hurt?" She asks flinching herself as she puts the antiseptic.

"A doctor shouldn't flinch Mrs. Nair."

"Exactly. Right now I'm Mrs. Nair more than a doctor."

In a brief moment our eyes interlock. And in her eyes were some unspoken words and extreme softness. And care. And ......love?

Does she love me?

Over these nine months of our togetherness I have watched Neitra grow like a baby does in the mother's womb. She opened like the most beautiful Lotus from the mud.

Neitra is my breath, she is my heartbeat and would also be the last seven minutes of my life.

I love her like I have never loved anyone before.

But in this time, I forgot to address to my own feelings. A question arises in the back of mind, over time to time. Does she love me?

She never told me how she feels about me.

But I remember her words clearly. 'I can't love anyone. I do not have it in me.'

And it breaks my heart. I do not say it on her face because she needs time, time to heal from her own wounds.

But there is a small part of me that wants to know if she does love me. A part of me that has always craved for love. For her love to be precise.

"Are you hungry?" Her questions break the chain of my thoughts.

I look at the wall call sticking to two in the morning. She must be hungry and tired as well.

"You change your clothes, I'll prepare something for both of us." I say trying to get up.

"With those hands? A big fat no!" She again sits on me. "Moreover you don't even know how to cook."

"Are you underestimating me Doctor?" I grab her waist and pull her closer, breathing near her neck.

"Ahh...what if I am", her voice gets husky. And she looks at me with desire.

"I'll cook and prove you wrong", I say placing her on the sofa and going into the kitchen.

"Huh!" Her expression falls and sulking away she walks upstairs.

Baby.

I place the pasta for boiling and chop vegetables in irregular shapes. Though I do not know how to cook much, this is the only dish that I can prepare well.

I change in a trouser myself, I leave putting on a t shirt for now.

"Mai aagyi", she jumps onto the kitchen platform like a kid.

(I came.)

And it is then that I notice her attire. Thin strapped blouse with a transparent pink saree.

She makes my heart flutter.

"Aji Jal raha hai", she whispers near my face.

(It's burning.)

"Kya?" I breathe back on her lips.

(What?)

"Khana aur kya", she says sharply pulling her face back.

(Food obviously.)

"Shit!" I toss the vegetables and slow down the heat. Thank god it didn't burn.

I turn my face at her. Revenge? She gives me a knowing smile.

I prepare the sauce while she talks to me.

"Pata hai aaj kya huaa?" A bright smile takes place on her lips. A smile after so long that doesn't seem forced.

(You know what happened today?"

I shake my head at her question.

"The baby had the umbilical cord round round round his head", she circles her hand to demonstrate what a round round round looks like.

I smile at her cuteness.

"She wasn't even breathing when I pulled her out. I was so scared. But then finally she started to cry", she says getting emotional. "I saved a life Abhay."

"I'm so proud of you", I kiss her.

"I am too."

Living with her I have realised that with each passing day, my love and respect for her would increase. And that I would cherish her success like my own.

She keeps on talking effortlessly about the mother, about the father, how happy they were to have a daughter in their life.

And after so long Neitra feels like a normal person. She doesn't have to fight with her own self continuously to form words. She doesn't have to fake it.

And that's how I imagined Neitra. A person who would finally conquer her fears and wounds and emerge as the most beautiful person.

Who wouldn't have to hide behind a shield of gloominess to avoid her own self.

I promise myself to never let that shine wane from her face.

कुछ तो खास है इस आज के अभी में

जो मुझे वो कुछ ऐसी दिखाई पड़ती है

जैसे गंगा सी उसकी शीतलता में

गंगा सी चंचलता भी सुनाई पड़ती है

जिसकी धारा किसी के काटे न कटे

जिसके बहाव सबको हरियाली से भरे

जो मलीन को पवित्र करे

और मेरे ब्रह्माण्ड को सचित्र करे

मुझे वो मेरी ऐसी गंगा दिखाई पड़ती है

समेटे वो सारे संसार का दुःख

उसके समेटने वाला मैं  बनु

छुए जो कोई विष उसे तो  मैं

स्वयं उसका नीलकंठ बनु

उसके चरणों से जो निर्मल हो

वैसा एक चट्टान बनु

मुझमे ढूंढे वो घर अपना,

अपनी गंगा का ऐसा अर्धांग बनु

Translation -

(There’s something special in this moment today,

That she appears to me in such a way.

Like the Ganga in her serene grace,

Yet her playful ripples, I can trace.

A stream whose flow no one can sever,

A current that greens all lives forever.

She purifies the impure with her embrace,

And paints my universe with vivid grace.

To me, she appears as my own Ganga, divine,

A river of life, both tender and sublime.

Gathering all the sorrows of the world,

Let me be the one who holds her unfurled.

If she touches poison, let me take the strife,

Becoming her Neelkanth, to save her life.

A rock so pure, shaped by her feet,

Let me become that steadfast seat.

In me, she seeks her eternal home,

The other half of my Ganga, I’ll become.)

She is my everything. My Ganga, my Gauri, my whole universe.

It starts with her and it shall end with her.

I wipe the excess sauce from her lips, standing between her on the kitchen island. She kisses my lips, my bare chest, her home.

I hug her too.

And after a little while she a hesitation filled voice comes to my ears.

"Abhay humari bhi ek beti hogi na?"

(Abhay we will have a daughter too na?)