Neitra

"I don't think this suits me", I say awkwardly as I enter the room through the closet in a huge black sleevless gown designed by Kanisha.

"Oh wow!" I watch Kanisha's jaw drop as she stares at me with wide eyes. "You look stunning, a model I might add."

"Too pretty", I hear Aditi gasp.

I look at both of them.

Kanisha is wearing a red floral gown with a sweetheart neckline. Her hair left open with two braids at sides.

Aditi wears a satin gown, with subtle makeup and her hair left open.

"It's as if the dress I designed is just meant for you", Kanisha says.

To be honest, she is definitely best at her job. All the dresses designed by her deserves a fashion show.

The dresses are to be worn by a model....someone like Aditi and Kanisha.

I look at my reflection in a huge mirror with lights across it. Such a pretty expensive dress, but looks so unpleasant on my body.

The upper part of the dress begins with a little show of my cleavage, displaying my strawberry skin. My thick arms and belly make me feel worse about dressing this way.

"See so pretty", Kanisha and Aditi are by my sides motivating me.

I look at the reflection having all of us. Both of them look like fairies in daylight while I seem to be an odd one out.

"Sure?" I ask once again.

"Yes Shonduri", they both say and hug me sidewise.

(Pretty)

A woman appreciating a woman is the most valuable thing.

Being so pretty themselves, they admire me. Their embrace just like two elder sisters I always wanted.

"I'll go, they're calling me", Kanisha goes away dragging her dress through the posh marble floor.

Aditi helps me with a little makeup before going downstairs to the party.

The girl in the mirror feels pretty but doesn't know how to tell it to herself. All she remembers are the barbed words thrown at her by the people who needed to be her home.

Fat.

Ugly.

A tight big nose.

I take a deep breath dissolving all the insecurities within me. Wearing my favourite pearl bracelet that I brought with me, I made my way to the party downstairs.

A faint musics can be heard. The hall is full of chaos. I see a swarm of people of elite classes meddling in the theme party.

I search Abhay in groups of men. And after five minutes I finally locate him near the end of stairs, already looking at me.

Dressed in a black formal suit, he looks at me without batting an eye. With a small smile stretched across his lips, he looks like a dream model.

Balancing myself in this gown I reach him.

"I didn't know you could wear these sort of dresses", he says dragging me slowly towards him by my waist.

"Don't I look good", I ask keeping my hand on his chest. It vibrates from his rapid heartbeat.

"I'll be damned if my eyes move an inch away from you tonight."

"Where do you bring these cheesy sentences from", I giggle. "It was a theme party, Kanisha lend me one of her designs."

"I'm so glad she did.....it's a treat to my eyes."

We are introduced to Reyansh's and Kanisha's entire family. Even some business associates from New York.

"Won't you introduce us?" A lady maybe in her mid fifties approaches us. Beside her a young girl same age as mine.

"Meet my aunt and my cousin, Ananya", I join my hands at Reyansh's introduction.

His aunt reciprocates my gesture while her daughter.......she passes me rejective look from the corner of her eyes.

"Hello Mr. Nair", Ananya says clutching Abhay's hand.

It burns me.

It annoys me.

It angers me.

"Nice to meet you too", Abhay says trying to retrieve his hand.

She is adamant on not letting it go.

In a glittery knee length dress she smiles fake looking at him.

Their handshake lasts for a minute. It doesn't make me feel good for some reason.

"Heard a lot about you in the business world", she says. "I manage HR in Reyansh bhai's company.

She is talking to my husband as if I'm not right here, at this moment. It makes me even more mad.

Does she know who I am?

I know I'm letting my ego have the best of me, but a sudden urge to dominate the situation pushes the last fibre of my strength.

"Maybe we should attend other guests, baby", it left my mouth making my tongue sting from cringiness.

He looks at me horrified and then a smile forms making his cheekbones red.

Ananya shoots me an even more illicit look.

Later, the lights are switched off and the married couple share a dance together under a huge crystal chandelier, lost in each other's arms.

"They look good together don't they?" Abhay says.

"They do." I nod.

A clear depiction of love radiates from them, making me question my relationship with Abhay.

Yes, we are far better now than we were a few months ago. But maybe our relationship still lacks the proximity that other couples share.

After their dance, all other couples are called on the dance floor.

I see Abhay engrossed in a deep conversation related to work with a group of men at some distance from me.

We never danced together. Hell we didn't do a single thing that could call us a pair!

Ladies dance around with their arms across their partner's neck and I feel a sudden loss. He didn't even ask me if I wanted to dance with him. He didn't even look at me when they called us.

Maybe he doesn't want to.

Taking a glass of fruit punch, I start strolling the hotel. Watching the decorations in awe.

Everything looks so expensive here.

My hands move softly over the delicate flowers wrapped around the railing of the stairs. I can see everyone from up here.

Solitude brings me peace.

"What are you doing here alone?"

I hear Abhay behind me.

तुम से ही दिन होता है, सुरमई शाम आती है

तुम से ही, तुम से ही हर घड़ी साँस आती है

ज़िंदगी कहलाती है तुम से ही, तुम से ही

ना है ये पाना, ना खोना ही है

तेरा ना होना जाने क्यूँ होना ही है

"Watching people", I say looking at the dimly light dance floor.

He doesn't say anything and rests his back along the railing. It's just us, none of us speak for a minute and then,

"Wanna dance?" He asks. "I know you want to, c'mon."

Should I be happy? Excited? Awkward? Desperate?

I decide to go with the first one.

"Yes, but I may trip over."

"You really think I'll let you fall?"

आँखों में आँखें तेरी, बाँहों में बाँहें तेरी

मेरा ना मुझ में कुछ रहा, हुआ क्या?

बातों में बातें तेरी, रातें-सौग़ातें तेरी

क्यूँ तेरा सब ये हो गया? हुआ क्या?

मैं कहीं भी जाता हूँ, तुम से ही मिल जाता हूँ

तुम से ही, तुम से ही शोर में ख़ामोशी है

थोड़ी सी बेहोशी है तुम से ही, तुम से ही

He pulls me by my waist and wraps his right arm around it. My right palm meddles with his left one, making my face closer to his chest.

I look at our hands intertwined, his broad one completely covering my smaller one. He looks down at me and we start to sway in the empty corridor.

Now this! It's exactly how I wanted it to be. Chest against chest, face against face, just us alone, lost in each other.

"Tum se hi, tum se hi", singing he pushes me back and rotates me by my hand, then pulls me hard to his chest.

A giggle leaves my mouth.

He is so good at dancing. I wonder who taught him so well.

"You seem quite happy", he observes.

"With you .....yeah", I say wrapping my hands around his neck bringing us further close still swaying in each other's embrace.

The songs finishes.

"I'll just come from the restroom", I nod at him while he goes downstairs.

I stand alone, biting my lips to somehow stop the wide smile, that's not ready to deter any moment.

God what's happening?

Caging myself in between my own arms I try to lock his touch that left a safe sensation in me.

"Nice party isn't it?" Ananya approaches me and I immediately conceal my smile.

She sways her hips like a model and leans beside a pillar.

And at that moment I realise, she would just exist and manage to constrict my blood vessels.

"Nice dress by the way", she looks at me, top to bottom. "Could have been better if you tried something else you know?"

"Thanks for the advice", I try to manage a perfect composure even when I feel like hitting her right on the face.

"Oh look your makeup started to wear off! Are those dark circles?"

A sudden alertness hits me and I fall into a trench of insecurities and consciousness once again.

"Don't mind me but they look......", she laughs off leaving me to complete her sentence.

Gross?

Ugly?

Unpleasant?

Yah I know.

"Yep. Its pretty common for doctors to have them you know. It takes something to become one", I say facing her close. "Nepotism, favoritism and long rich contacts don't work in this field."

I think she must have gotten an idea that I am indirectly harming her ego by pointing out the ways she could have managed such a prestigious position in Reyansh's company.

"You .....hideous unattrac --", she seethes in anger.

"I didn't know I carried a mirror on my face", I chuckle at her stupidness.

Ignoring I begin to walk downstairs as if her words just didn't cut my wound open. Increasing my pace, I start to climb down the stairs just when I feel someone stepping on my dress from behind.

"Ahh!" A scream leaves mouth as I feel myself falling down....but that thing never happenes as I feel those safe arms around me once again.

"Neitra! You're okay?" Abhay catches me and brings me back to my feet. He checks me worriedly.

I feel my bracelet break from the impact of holding onto something for support.

Clutching me in his arms he looks behind my back glaring at Ananya.

This bitch!

And by the time I have my adrenaline levels back under my control, we have gathered quite a audience.

I clutch on the broken thread of bracelet, preventing any more pearls to fall down.

"What happened?" Reyansh asks approaching us with other family members.

"Nothing", Abhay cups my face bringing me closer to him, his jaw tightened fuming at Ananya who looks at me with a werid smirk.

What did I even do to this girl? Wasn't she the one who approached me first?

Her eyes travel to Abhay's hands wrapped around me. Do I sense jealousy?

She nauseates me even more.

"Ananya, did you do something?" Reyansh asks.

"Why would I do something? It was unintentional.

What a liar!

Her sole motive was to embarrass me and make me feel low. What a woman!

"I am sorry on behalf of her. I'm sorry Neitra", I hear Reyansh speak.

"It's okay, I think Neitra might need to settle down, we'll leave', Abhay says and I thank him mentally.

We settle down in the car arranged for us, heading towards Reyansh's mansion.

"Did you hurt yourself anywhere?" He asks.

I shake me head. "I'm fine."

"What exactly happened?" He frowns.

"I don't know, maybe she didn't like my words", I prevent myself from saying that maybe she is crushing on him. "She commented on my looks but it didn't settle with her when I talked back."

"What the.....yuk!"

Why so angry Abhay? He starts looking at the front. I have never seen him so angry before. Does he really care that much about me.

"I mean she.....wasn't wrong", I chuckle dryly. "Is there anything good...."

I'm unable to complete, a low feeling creeps up my heart.

"What did you say?" I hear his sharp voice. "There's nothing good?"

"Is there? Don't fool me Abhay. A big round face, thick cheeks, eyes covered in darkness", I say looking out of the moving vehicle not able to face him. He deserves so much better.

He moves me towards him swiftly, cupping my face with his huge palms.

"Ache lagte hai mujhe ye ankhein jinpar mehnat ki siyahi lagi hui hai. Acha lagta hai ye masoom sa chehra jiski ek muskurahat se meri ratein jagmaga uth ti hai", he says raising my face.

(I like those eyes, they aren't covered in darkness, they are painted from the ink of hardwork and pride. And this cute innocent face....when this smiles, I feel my whole world lighten.)

I thank god for the darkness in the car , hiding away our innocent proximity from the driver.

"Ye zulf tumhare jab bikhar kar is chehre par pehra dete hai, mano ki tumhe kisi ki nadan nazron se bachate hai. Mere ye hoth apko sarahna kabhi band na karenge, mai intezaar karunga ki kabhi to wo din ayega, jis din aap khud ko meri nigaho se dekh payengi Neitra."

(When your hair spread over your face, it makes me feel as if they hide you away from my mischievous gaze. My lips would never stop praising you. I would wait for the day when you'll see yourself the way I do.)

His words are full of love, and it makes it so hard.....not to feel vulnerable in front of him.

He kisses my forehead and I lay my head on his chest.

Kya yahi pyar hai?

(Is this love?)

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